A little story

Wow, it's been a while! I hope this post finds all my readers well! I am doing something a little different this time, I shared a little story with my bible study and I thought it would be good to share it with you too! It was a speech so it might read a little strange but you will get the point! CBS God has been teaching me a lot about His sovereignty lately.  I am not sure why because I thought that I had learned that lesson but apparently not!  :)  Which is strange because my whole life has been Him proving to me that he is sovereign over all but especially and specifically me.   For those of you who do not know me and my story let me set up a little background.  I was born in CA, with both parents in the police force when I was about 10 they decided that they wanted a less crazy place to live and we moved to Laramie, WY.  Now, to me that is sovereignty all by it self because what human plan would include WY?  :)  I spent the rest of my childhood in WY, moved to DE for bit, then to AZ and got married there.  Then in 2007 we moved to CO w/o jobs and a plan really.   We just felt God's pull on us to move to Denver.   When we got here I found a temp job right away but for some reason it took Greg a few months to find a job.  He found one and we found out  we were pregnant about a month later.  We were pretty excited about being pregnant because I had been told from previous health problems that I may not be able to have children.  So it was such a blessing to be pregnant, both have jobs and in this great state that we loved. Then about 2 months later Greg was laid off.  That makes sense right?  Get pregnant, loose your job.  We were so confused.  Why would God do that?  After we got over the shock we figured we needed to get some health insurance.  My pride was saying that we didn't need to get on Medicaid.  I didn't have a logical idea on how to get insurance but I DID NOT want to go on Medicaid.  I had no real reason why besides my pride so we did.  We went down and applied and obviously qualified.   It took Greg another 2 months to find a job, which was very stressful and not a very fun time for us.  We were just trying to figure out why God would move us here, have us be pregnant and then jobless.  But thanks to God's grace and mercy we trusted in him (as much as we could)  he filled in the gap.....and Greg found a job.  He started as a temp and is still with the company as a full time employee. That should be the end of the story but God wasn't through showing us what he had for us  or maybe we hadn't learned our lesson yet. Since Greg got the job we called the Medicaid office to let them know that we were employed and probably didn't qualify for the program any more.  Their policy is that once a pregnant mom is on Medicaid they keep them on it until the baby is a year old.  They want to make sure that babies get the care they need. So, we kept Medicaid and went through the pregnancy knowing that we wouldn't have to pay a dime for the pregnancy or the delivery.  Which was good because after 24 hours of labor and an emergency c-section, then infection and a 5 day hospital stay for both us, we would have had a $13,000 hospital bill.  Praise God that he made me swallow my pride and get Medicaid right? Again the story could be over there.... but apparently I did not learn my lesson about God's sovereignty.  We noticed Little Ryan at about 6 weeks  was developing a flat head.  He would only sleep on the one side and it just kept getting flatter and flatter.  We took him to the dr's they diagnosed him with torticoulous.  Basically a crick in the neck.  Now because we were still on Medicaid we got to take Ryan to a physical therapist at no cost to us.   The therapist we had was amazing.  Ryan went to her every week for a few months.  As she got to know Ryan and see him develop she noticed that he wasn't hitting the typical milestones at the right time.  He was delayed in sitting, rolling, walking, eating and most of all in his social skills.  She sent us to a few specialists (that again were free to us) and I will save you all the details and drs we went to but the bottom line is that Ryan was diagnosed with Autism.   Pause in the story here.  God is sovereign right.  I know that I trust in him.  Find my hope in him.  That is why He had Greg loose his job, move us to Denver, get me pregnant, made us swallow our pride and get Medicaid.  We would not have had the diagnoses as soon as we did if we had not had Medicaid.  The therapy and the early care we received really was instrumental in how well Ryan is doing now.  So end of story!  And we all lived happily ever after.   Well, not so much.  The sovereignty of God is evident in this story but that doesn't make this any easier.  Even though all of the pieces of the puzzle fit together and we know now why God had Greg loose his job, dealing with a child with special needs is a pretty difficult task.  BUT, I will say that this story has put my faith and trust more in God and less in myself.  I struggle daily with why God is doing this or how come that but in then end I know that God is in control and his sovereignty is over all and encompasses everything in my life and Ryan's.  I am not trying to say that my life has been all lollipops and gumdrops. I have struggled this past couple of years trying to align my will and my hopes and dreams with Gods'.  It is such a difficult thing to know in your head that you shouldn't worry, be anxious or lack hope but your heart is telling you that it will never get better, it is too difficult and how in the world am I going to get through today, or even this hour.  There have even been times where Ryan and I and now the little sister Hannah, have all cried together because of how overwhelming this has been. So have I lifted you up yet?  Do you feel a little depressed? Well that wasn't my intention.  I hope that this portion of my life shows you that God is in control, he is in the details and he knows what he is doing, even if we don't!  By the way, God has big shoulders, he can handle our questions of his plan, our hurtful cries in the night when we feel so overwhelmed with life.  He knows the heartache of living in this sin ladened world.  I know that I have cried out to Him and been even angry with him.  Thankfully in His awesome graceful, tender spirit He listens and comforts me. The lyrics to this song have really been an encouragement to me lately.  I probably should share scripture in a bible study talk but these words have really been laid on my he art to share with you ladies.  This song has really helped me get through those sobbing times of asking God, why... Blessings by Laura Story We pray for blessings, we pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering All the while You hear each spoken need You love us way too much to give us lesser things 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops.  What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life Are Your mercies in disguise? We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love As if every promise from Your Word is not enough And all the while You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You're near? And what if trials of this life Are Your mercies in disguise? When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win We know that pain reminds this heart That this is not, this is not our home It's not our home 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You're near? What if my greatest disappointments Or the aching of this life Is the revealing of a greater thirst This world can't satisfy? And what if trials of this life The rain, the storms, the hardest nights Are Your mercies in disguise?